I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
How the hell did he get a boner in that type of situation?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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