i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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