they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
Well, most of my extended family doesnt know about my love for the penis, so they dont have a reason to disown me
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
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