So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
