did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
