i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
Everything I own smells like cigarettes and victory right now. The smell is never coming out.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Come on, what straight woman, gay man, or bi person HASN'T scrolled through Justin Trudeau pictures after a bad day?
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
Randomize
