just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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