the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
theres still like 7 beers in the gutter from the roof party we had last night. i dont know how we got up there. but we need to get those beers down.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I don't intentionally mean to ruin relationships for personal gain but. Yeah nah I totally do.
Randomize
