Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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