Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
come help me. im curled up in the fetal position on the upper floor of the lib. please bring more caffeine or alcohol
its ok. its hell week the lib is a no judgment zone right now
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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