no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Dude get over here. Steven brought super soakers filled with colored vodka.
Randomize
