I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
