Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He doesn't wear a seatbelt. He votes Republican. He has a small dick. That house of cards just fell apart.
Randomize
