i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
Send me one of your boob pics as an example. I mean this in the straightest least lesbian way possible.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Randomize
