Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
Today's goals: get day drunk then sober up in time for the walking dead tonight.
Randomize
