he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
