At McDonald's last night the guy gave you the wrong kind of McFlurry, so you screamed at him, "YOU MCFUCKED UP."
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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