Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
just put a funnel in my mouth and pour the tequila in with a little emergen-c
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
