i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
he only noticed i dyed my hair purple like halfway through sex and he looked really shocked and he just said "You look like Barney." as he came.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
