I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
Glass of stolen champagne in a to go cup = tastiest hangover cure ever
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Randomize
