I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
