i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
He should be castrated
Nah he might accidentally come while they're cutting it off. Wouldn't be fair to the surgeons
"But puppies!" Is not an acceptable excuse for trying to drunkenly steal someone's dog, you promiscuous midget!!
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
