What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
There are not enough shots in the world for this. We walked in and they shouted "the pilgrims are here!" And then someone handed me a turkey leg the size of my arm.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
