Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
She's like a pop up book from hell.
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
