I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
Randomize
