Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
A. What the fuck are period panties? B. Don't ever wear them around me... or bears.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
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