Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
Forget Covid themed costumes. I need one that attracts a quality penis
preferably one with a six figure job and a boat
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