6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
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