Got a toothbrush?
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
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