it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
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