Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
