i wonder if she has dreads down there too...
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
The great thing about skinny blondes is that they're all interchangeable.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Randomize
