just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
I was 100% done.. I used my vibrator while eating cold pizza. Shit was magical.
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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