So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
This girl ordered Hershey syrup and red wine and he made it for her
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
The salesman at the smoke shop just told me my hair is glorious...
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
