it's too hot outside to masturbate.
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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