she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
27 Unforgettable Hookup Texts
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
19 Groupies Confess What It’s Really Like To Hook Up With Famous Rockstars
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone