I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
he tried to do a one handed cartwheel to showoff but knocked himself out cold. fuckin jagerbombs will kill that man.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
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