Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(225): View more from Louisiana

things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.

Fav 36 6591 1182
share tweet
(404): View more from Georgia

I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?

Fav 56 7999 1181
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(734): View more from Michigan

Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?

Fav 3 3561 1057
share tweet
(856): View more from New Jersey

Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.

Fav 33 1367 8757
share tweet
27 Signs That Someone Will Probably Be Bad At Sex
Read it at the TFLN blog
(801): View more from Utah

Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.

Fav 6 4282 1549
share tweet
(575): View more from New Mexico

I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.

Fav 19 5374 1370
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(917): View more from New York City

I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.

Fav 15 832 1141
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(904): View more from Florida

And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...

Fav 4 711 519
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(816): View more from Missouri

The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage

Fav 2 9 37
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT