I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
First thought today, I need a ventriloquist dummy that looks like me. This week's project has been determined.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
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