Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I waxed the left side of it and was in too much pain to do the right side so my crotch looks like cruella devil
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
These 19 Underage Drinkers Epicly Got By With A Horrible Fake ID
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED