I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
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why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
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I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
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