Mom and Dad are dead. Trust fund
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Randomize
