After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?