I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I texted him to clear the air a bit, apologized if I freaked him out. No reply. So I'm gonna go ahead and fuck someone in a barn tonight.
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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