and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I stuck it in and pulled it out
Did she like it?
She giggled?
She liked it
Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I accidentally peed all over the couch. It's safe to say I'm not welcome at that house anymore
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
