I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
You told him he looked like Jesus and that you wanted to fuck his face, I'd say your blind date went well
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
