You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
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