just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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