My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
