You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
