I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Randomize