two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
Pretty sure I tied my shoes laces together to keep myself from driving drunk. Fell like six times. Keep forgetting
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
So apparently someone caught him as he was falling. And carried him around the rest of the night.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
Randomize
