I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
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