You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
so this chick screams out the name doug is bed..not to later do i find out doug is her vibrator
hello competition
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Randomize
