but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
He's mad at me because I said I wouldn't date him if his dick was smaller. I fail to see the issue
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Randomize
