Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
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