You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
His mom took away his car and made him quit his job.
HE'S 26!!!
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
