I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I let my cat eat the pepperonis off of my pizza while I was still eating it. That's the level of tequila drunk I got last night.
God I adore you.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
