I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
