Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Randomize
