My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
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