I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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