She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
She flashed them and they let her pay with Monopoly money. I'm married, so it is your obligation as my best man to repeatedly fuck her for me
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
