Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
He leaned over in the middle of the movie and said "My dick's name is Juan". WHO DOES THAT?
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
