just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
He was so aggressive it felt like he was giving my boob a root cannal
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
