you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
ok i said sorry. what else do you want?
100 blowjobs
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
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