I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
is it true guys wash their penises in the sink if they think they're getting laid at a bar?
it's more of a rinse.
are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
I have feelings that need drinking.
Had the best sex Thursday night then Friday night I met his girlfriend. The worst thing is we became friends like she gave me her number.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
Randomize
