In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Do you think the party boat will still go out if there is a hurricane?
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
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