But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
So my date night ended with us watching porn with his roommate.
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You can't just be this socially awkward and sexually frustrated and jealous as a fucking demon and be expected to stay sober.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
