So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
I didn't know what to do so I panicked and puked in my pillowcase with my pillow still inside.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
My books smell like weed. What does that tell you about my college experience?
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