she takes plan B like it's going out of style
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Ok, they now been on the roof for two days. I can see 4 cases of teecate and a carton of smokes. They are yelling at "fucking fall" and pissing off the roof.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just found $31 in my desk drawer. In $1's. WTF happened last night?!
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize
