so explain again why im purple
no
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
Randomize
