I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
the condom got lost in my hair
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
PAAAANTS ARE FOR AAAASSHOLES
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
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