I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
