This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
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