you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Text me if something catches fire and I will put pants on
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Randomize
