OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
