biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
I think you were giving a sex seminar on your kitchen table last night.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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