God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
