oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
I fucked my ex boyfriend to get shrooms for you guys
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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