hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
being pregnant is like rehab
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
Randomize
