You smell like a Billy Joel song
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
The bar tender had his entire hand down your asscrack.
I forgot about that. I was in MULTIPLE dimensions.
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
