Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
What part of "waking up in the crawl space of my house with a raccoon" sounds like a good night to you?
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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