I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
