chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
well what is some mechanical horse racing with out blow involved
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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