I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Indeed. If boner pill commercials have taught us anything, it's the importance of waiting until the moment is right.
Where else would I get life advice?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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