What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
One minute I'm going home the next I'm getting railed on the back 9.
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