I'm pants shitting drunk right now
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
She told me she was eating frosting, then I got the weirdest boner ever
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
Oh yes there is. Now I'm the sad one. Please organize my life. And I will demoralize yours.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
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