you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
As your boyfriend, I'm gonna congratulate you on winning that fist fight. But as a cop, I have to tell you to not do that again.
Randomize