Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
Aaaand my life has been reduced to whether I can reach to flush my puke down the toilet using my foot. The answer is yes.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
