If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
I'm SO high. And there is so much pudding in this car
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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