she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
you went around the entire night in your french maid costume dusting off the "cob webs" on everyone's crotch saying "you havent gotten any action in a while"
I was wondering why i got so many friend requests the next day...
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
These Dirty People Haven’t Told Their SO About Their Kinky Fetish
look up what dreaming that you're in a lesbian relationship with a manatee means.
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
This is Why People Stop Sex Halfway Through
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
The topic of sex in the jamba banana suit has come up on multiple occasions. We're just waiting for a moment to try it out.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in