i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
The best revenge is premature balding
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
MY BUTT IS BIG ENOUGH FOR AN ANACONDA AND HE DOESNT GET TO ENJOY IT TOUGH SHIT
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
