I'm gonna have a badass scar
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
21 People Confess What It’s Really Like At An Orgy
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
These 15 Honest Illustrations Show What Women Do When No One Is Watching
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
She makes margaritas with lemon-lime 5 hour energy..thats brilliant
and you were wondering how she got into Harvard
He seems like a super lonely dude. I bet if I gave him a picture of my tits he wouldn't make me turn in this paper.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.