i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
21 Millennials Confess The Most Awkward Way Someone Has Tried Hitting On Them
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
25 People Confess The Most Ignorant Thing Someone Has Ever Said To Them
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
You were trust falling into bushes
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.