I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
So it turns out that my mom and her dad used to hook up when they were our age
Never been so glad that I look so much like my dad that there's no question as to my paternity
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
The notary thing was a good idea. I can charge $2 per signature. I'm currently being paid in beer.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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