when im bored during the day i often think, what do people who dont get high do with their day.. i came to the conlcusion that everyone must be getting high
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
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I miss vodka workout Fridays
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
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You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.