Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
Randomize
