my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
I'm here to help build your repertoire of drunken shenanigans and I should have been arrested stories
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
And then he serenaded me with "Pimps don't cry" from 'The Other Guys'. If that's not love I'm not sure what is
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
You thought they were asking for volunteers for a karaoke contest so you jumped up not realizing it was actually a "last 3 minutes boxing match". But you took that right hook like a champ.