I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Lesson learned. Kayak oars are not golf clubs....check
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home