We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
